ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
