the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
