Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
