the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
