It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
