I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
