My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
