I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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