don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I love you. Go after that dick
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
