So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
