My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Less talking, more tequila
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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