I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
