I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
