I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
