i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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