i barfeds in our rink
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
