no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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