y did u give ur computer a hand job?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
