I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Randomize
