How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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