i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
