It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
