Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize