Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I AM VODKA MAN
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
