Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
sarcasm needs its own font
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I love you. Go after that dick
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
