just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
