Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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