dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
