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she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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