he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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