Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
