i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am spending my child support on dildos
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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