The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
