if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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