guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
