wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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