My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize