I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
