it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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