I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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