she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
