i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
