i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
