Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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