So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
