He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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