Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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