I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
