i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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