Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize