I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
