I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
