you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
