I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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