i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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