The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't deserve a penis
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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