i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
sarcasm needs its own font
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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