'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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