So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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