Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
