We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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