She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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