Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
