just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
